I was an odd child….

Children like to do weird things sometimes. Despite what many of you may believe, I was a very shy child. I did not like being in the spotlight at all. At my kindergarten graduation when all the kids were singing and parading around…I was sitting on my moms lap hiding. It was not until later in life I became the life of the party I am today ….*pause for laughter*
I was an only child and had quite an imagination. When I was with my Nana and my mom I was pretty animated. I liked to dance and my grandmother being a seamstress made me elaborate dresses and skirts for me to put on my own shows during Lawrence Welk. I am still waiting for my big break. We have those jerky movement super 8 videos of me doing these sort of odd interpretive dances mostly in that ridiculously bright light that was on all those old video cameras. I did not understand the concept of “moving pictures” so I would often freeze like a deer in headlights when it was shining on me only to be told to “DO SOMETHING ITS A VIDEO” where I would break out my best seizure like dance moves. Good times.
As a baby I was one of those kids that put everything in their mouths. Not a pacifier…apparently pacifiers were too mainstream. I did put just about everything else. As an infant I managed to jam a tiny powder puff from a compact down my throat. My mother was able to grab a tiny corner and yank it out before I was history. This was a story she often told through gritted teeth explaining how wonderful it is to have children. Sorry mom!
As I aged I moved on to other things. I was partial to coinage. So fun having your own walking and talking piggy bank! All you have to do is keep a steady flow of grains and greens and you will get your money back the next day! I have no idea how many times my mother had to sift through my diaper to find whatever I decided to swallow the day before. The woman was a saint. I was more then a handful. Something tells me I would never have made it through a metal detector. I probably would have made a great pick pocket or magician because my slight of hand game was on point. I could swallow coins before your very eyes and you would never know until you noticed your pockets empty.
I also went through this phase where I would eat ashes and tea from tea bags. Ashes? Yes ashes. Back in the 70s everyone smoked. There were always ash trays filled with ashy goodness for me to stick my fingers in. Now, I would likely be diagnosed with some weird disease. My mother would be under the microscope for abuse…my family brought up on charges. I have no idea why I had this obsession with ash trays? All I know is that if you did not keep an eye on them you would find me covered in ash and looking like a coal miner. The same went with tea. My nana was a big time tea drinker. Way more then coffee. I don’t even remember her ever drinking coffee? She would make tea and dunk these amazing biscuits in it and give it to me. Mmmm delicious cookies! Why was I not hiding in a closet with a bag of those cookies? The tea bags had to be buried out of my reach and sight. If not, the delicious tea goodness would be consumed by me. Again no clue? With all the Italian goodies in my house why was I eating ashes and used tea leaves? It’s part of the wonders of me. Maybe I was hoping for a career in a circus? Who knows…
There was a time I remember clearly that my mother had to bring me to the emergency room. I had found a locket and decided to swallow it. Depending on the size of the locket it would probably have passed without an issue. The problem was I had swallowed the locket along with the long chain attached to it. What was my mind processing? Ohhh shiny and like metal spaghetti? Pasta Fagioli is old news I want to move on to precious metals? Again…I was a kid and obviously not the brightest bulb on the shiny tree. My mother was smart enough to ask where the locket was and I was honest enough to explain that I had swallowed it chain and all. I got a cool trip to the emergency room where they took X-rays and watched the necklace pass through my inner workings until it made its way out. Thankfully not getting stuck in anything major. Not exactly sure where the locket ended up after that? I know I will never look at them the same way.
When I went to college I was a double major. I was learning to be the worlds most amazing accountant and also learning about psychology. The human mind fascinates me. What makes us think? Do things? Want things? It was amazing. We of course had to learn all about all the different diseases of the mind which made me realize that I could never actually be a psychiatrist. I want to save everyone and truthfully you can’t. Sometimes you can only hope to help the person live with their affliction. As a psyche student you have a tendency to analyze yourself and just anot everyone else you ever talk to. I was an amazing bundle of crazy to learn about. Taking courses for a major you tend to run into the same circle of professors. I had one professor that I really enjoyed and got along extremely well with. We were discussing Freud. Freud believes that we are fueled by what happens in our childhood. He also has a penchant for working sex into all his diagnoses but I digress. We happened to be discussing habits…also fears that we posses now that likely stemmed from something that happened when we were children. My professor and I had a good rapport so she was using me as an example. “Tina has an a fear of spiders. So much so it interferes with her every day activities. Meaning she will alter her path just to avoid one.” Wow! She was spot on! I have leapt from moving vehicles to get away from a spider. Kudos! She really DID know me pretty well. We went on to discuss phobias etc. Its likely I had a scare as a child that I do not consciously remember but by seeing a spider triggers the flight response and I am gone. So interesting!! Her next observation was habits. Specific observations made by her about the rest of us. “Tina has an very obvious oral fixation. She finds comfort with having something in her mouth at all times. She was likely weaned too early and needs the comfort of something in her mouth all the time to feel safe…” Wait….what? I am twenty years old sitting in a room of college boys and you just told all of them that I need to always have something in my mouth??? My popularity sky rocketed in a matter of minutes. I, of course, was HORRIFIED by this observation. I asked why she would know this and why would she announce it to an entire room of people? Apparent my “tell” was the fact that I always had something in my mouth. Gum, pen cap, fingers, pencil….whatever I could get my hands on. I personally had never noticed but after she said it realized she was right. Ever since I was a baby it was go to comfort zone. It still is. The minute I start to feel any type of anxiety my hands go to my lips. Amazing what you learn about yourself! Amazing how popular you become when people find out you enjoy stuff in your mouth! Amazing how difficult it is to shake the admission of having an oral fixation. Thanks lady…
I guess the moral of the story is there really is no moral. Your children are unique and special individuals. They are amazing creatures that will learn what they live. They may be a little strange…they may do weird things…but they are learning their own way. Psychiatrists have a different view in what makes us all tick. Your job as a parent is to guide them and help them. Support them and love them. Also keep the ashtrays and coins away in case the desire to swallow everything on the planet is too great. Also…try not to wean your little girls too early or they may be way more popular then you are prepared for…